"Pain that deeply hurt you will evolve into pain that changes you, hopefully for the better." - Annie Keophila
Follow me on my journey as I write my book on my lessons learned and blessings earned in life, and how I am applying those lessons to my present self to set me up for a better, happier future self. I owe this to myself, to my children, and to others with my aspiration to inspire and infuse people with life lessons and blessings through my own experiences. I would love to hear yours, and it might make it into my book!
I'm sharing my feelings through how my heart speaks, my thoughts on how my mind thinks, and my pain felt through my soul. Folks, I have to be brutally honest that pain never fully goes away, but it does lessen over time - pain that deeply hurt you will evolve into pain that changes you, hopefully for the better. My pain is the latter: I'm definitely becoming a different person, a better version of myself daily, and I have a lot to be proud of.
Everyone faces a heartbreak in some way, shape or form. Heartbreak from death, divorce, relationship loss, betrayal, job loss, friendship lost, family feuds, the list goes on. Some heartbreaks hurt more, and sometimes they happen one right after another. The pain is deep but YOU CAN TAKE IT and make something amazing happen for yourself, but realize it doesn't happen overnight, and that amazing I'm talking about, starts with you.
Growing pains is a sign and catalyst for change; you either regress or progress with pain. For me, I choose to progress and I'm cultivating something amazing from the pain I endured. Pain forces you to make a choice; that choice is up to you.
There are parts of me that are still healing, and parts of me that has moved forward, and there are pieces of me that have faded to faint tugs at my heart, which isn't necessarily all bad - they are pieces of the old me, my past self that I forgave, and "KILLED". They were pieces of the old me that needed to be "killed off" because those pieces were hindering progress of my pain cultivation into something positively, amazing.
Life has so many ways to tell you when your soul needs replenishing and when your heart needs nourishing. Life said to me, "Here are all these events that will test your strength, your patience, your compassion and resilience." Boy, life and I became good friends and enemies (haha!).
In order to move forward, I am learning to forgive myself first; it's not the easiest thing to do, but if you can forgive yourself first, you will find a peace of mind and a calmer, stronger inner-self, and then forgiving others becomes easier, and almost naturally.
I'm forgiving my old self for ...
- Allowing myself to compromise my values.
- Allowing myself to lose myself and my identity.
- Allowing myself to be treated less than what I deserve.
- Not making the time and effort with people who matter.
- Making some bad choices (although in life, we all will make some more, but realize you are not defined by the bad choices you make in life but rather on how you handle the consequences).
- Being so harsh on myself for allowing certain people to enter my life; I realized you do meet people in life for a reason, they are either a lesson or blessing.
- Wearing my heart on my sleeve for the last 18 years of my life to one person; one person that I truly did love and stood by through their changes. I wore my heart on my sleeve because I genuinely loved this person, deeply cared for this person, and trusted my life with this person, and forgiving myself is to allow my heart to feel that it wasn't a bad thing to have worn my heart on my sleeve for love.
Growing from pain is really a learning process and I learned quickly that how you manage pain is how you will overcome it. If you let it consume you and control you, then the pain will increase versus lessen overtime. Trust me, I know that it's not always easy, and not everyday is rainbows and butterflies. I learned when difficult days arise, it's important to allow yourself to feel those emotions, and don't suppress them because if you do, they will just come back stronger on steroids - HOWEVER, DO NOT GET ATTACHED TO THOSE EMOTIONS. Feel them and release them - through writing, through meditation, through exercising, through long drives alone, through music, through meaningful conversations with people you trust, etc. As you release the negative emotions, you are making room for positive ones to replace them and when you can think positively, you will attract positive things and people into your life.
A test to see your progress is to think of something that once made you feel a certain way i.e. angry or resentment, and then gauge how intense those feelings are now - are they the same, more intense, lessened or completely gone?
One of the biggest lessons I learned so far is that true love is actually found within yourself first. If you aren't able to be comfortably alone, and can't love yourself for who you are, then you can't possibly give genuine love to others. When you don't love yourself first, you are mixing up love and attachment: what you become attached to in someone else, is really something that you lack in yourself, you are filling your voids with the illusion of love; you end up lying to yourself that what you are experiencing is love.
I lost myself in the last few years and I lost love for myself too; I am rediscovering myself while discovering new things about me. I am fine being alone, it's rather a blessing to be able to find my inner child again and to learn to love myself first yet again - and even more this time. Love from others, or from a partner, will be an added BONUS this time around - that is how I am viewing love.
I know I am on the right path to making something amazing happen out of my pain because I am choosing daily to not let it control me. I am channeling the pain through my writing and blogging, which my book is part of, and also through pursuing my passion, and fulfilling my purpose of inspiring at least one person a day. I realize I can achieve my purpose by combining my ambitions and passion with effort: I started my own marketing consulting agency where I am able to enjoy doing what I love; marketing, talking, giving advice, providing guidance, motivating, and inspiring my clients (PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND I) to achieve their business/personal goals through marketing. I choose to turn my pain into something positive and I pray you do too! Good Luck!
Want a chance to be part of my story, my book? Send me a lesson you learned in life, and how you applied it to your present self, and also what blessing you earned/realized.